Although The Scars are Invisible, Yelling Causes Problems: Raise Your Words, Not Your Voice
When individuals have been physically abused there is evidence, but when it comes to verbal abuse, there is not. So, many would think that the victim is only “complaining” about being “yelled at.”
But, it is more than just yelling. Even though people cannot see the scars, verbally abused victims may suffer from various mental issues as a result. (1) And, it is not just about getting scolded, there are other reasons why yelling can be traumatizing:
- Loud speaking;
- The shrill tone of voice;
- Dead look in the eyes of the abuser;
- Disrespectful, disdainful, and critical facial expressions;
- Yelling for hours (long duration);
- Insults (You are disgusting, worthless, spoiled, etc.);
- “Flip of the switch”;
- The abandonment.
When someone is being yelled at, their brain, mind, and body change in many ways. The amygdala shows increased activity, and there is increased muscular tension, stress hormones, etc. (2)
When people yell at us very often, we change the way we think and feel about ourselves. The brain wires according to the experiences, and we can hear our parents yelling at us even if they are not there.
According to research, people do better when they feel loved, safe, and respected. For many of us, it is new information that we are born with mature core emotions such as anger, sadness, and fear.
For instance, when fear is constantly triggered by an unpleasant environment, like, when there is a lot of yelling, the automatic emotional and physical reactions cause traumatic stress to kids.
So, the stress in children increases from anything that feels dangerous, such as angry voices, dismissive gestures, loud voices, angry eyes, etc. In this article, we offer you something that can help you make your children safe, and help them develop healthy brains.
- Children’s emotional needs have to be met because it will help them be resilient in the face of the challenges that occur in life;
- Knowing more about core emotions will help you teach your kid how to control them;
- Be compassionate, kind, and curious about your children in order to affect their self-esteem positively;
- You have to repair the emotional connection with your kid when there is a break in the relationship. Do this as soon as possible;
- Let your kids separate from you and their own person, and even when you are disappointed in them, welcome them with connection and love. Use a calm way to discuss your concerns. In this way, your kid will feel secure and safe.
Being a parent is not an easy task. There is not a big difference between being a strict parent and a parent who traumatizes a young brain. You need to be more careful and aware of your behavior.
You have to listen to what you are saying (choose words wisely) and how you are saying it, and watch your body language. Even though there are little kids who act defiant, indifferent, and tough, they can still be vulnerable.
We have to honor and remember all of our childhood memories, and we have to take care of our kids and provide them with a good childhood in which they will learn how to be strong and healthy individuals.