5 Phrases We Should Never Say to Children
The things we say and do have an impact on our children. According to psychologists, our words and deeds may affect our children’s adulthood. But, why is that so? Children are like sponges; they receive everything.
Their brains are still in development, and they have excess synapses at a rate of about 15,000 synapses a neuron which twice more than adults’ brains (1), (2).
The things in the environment we are exposed to many times are reinforced in the brain by a lot of neural links to those things (3). As our parents are the ones, we are mostly exposed to while we are growing up, the way they talk and treat us has a huge impact on us.
In other words, the way our parents talk to us is how we talk to ourselves. If our parents were giving us support and courage, we would do the same to ourselves. And, if they were critical or angry toward us, we would be so hard on ourselves. Why is this important?
The manner in which we talk to ourselves has an influence on our self-confidence, as well as our approach to life’s mistakes, and how we get over them. That is the reason why every parent should have patience with their children.
The most important thing to do is to show love to your children. In fact, they are just children, and they will make mistakes. So, that is the reason why it is important for your children to feel loved and supported even when they fail. Many parents make mistakes such as thinking that their children just know that they are loved.
However, you should remember they are only kids and do not have the same awareness as adults do. Children cannot always notice when their parents show love to each other. And, that is the reason why the expression of love should be obvious.
The best gift you can give to your children is when you talk to them, do it with a lot of love. This way, they will learn how to love themselves.
What You Should Not Say to Your Child
1. “Stop crying immediately!”
Children have the same right as you do, to feel whatever they are feeling. Instead of yelling at them, you should try giving them a hug, and ask about the reason for their sadness.
2. “Why is it so hard to do _____?”
This way, you make your children feel unworthy, and useless as if they are not capable of anything. So, try showing them how to do something in the right way. Make them believe that you have faith that they are going to show better results next time.
3. “Big boys/girls are never afraid!”
This sentence is not true, and you know it. Even adults can get scared sometimes. Using this sentence, you are showing your children that they are not allowed to feel as they feel. You should ask why your children are afraid, and show them that you are always there to support them no matter what.
Your children need to know that they are secure and safe.
4. “I cannot believe you did that!”
It is very selfish of you to make your child feel guilty because of your disappointment. However, most of the time, adults project their own self-doubt. You should teach your child what and why they did wrong.
5. “You are not pretty/good/smart as you should be!”
This way, you are teaching your children they are not what you want them to be, they are not good enough. And, this is very wrong. You are making your children feel insecure and uncomfortable. Instead, you should teach them how to accept and love themselves as they are.
Being a parent is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it may be the hardest job. You are the one who is responsible for growing a human being who one day may have a big impact on the world (4). So, be careful, and always try to be a better parent than you are.