Staying in a Toxic Marriage for the Sake of the Kids Does More Harm Than Good
At first, we all have a good intention and a plan. We can easily start with the greatest love, but end up being in a rocky marriage where both of us are struggling. Sadly, it happens quite often, so it’s not a rare thing.
And it’s even worse if you have kids because a toxic marriage is a harmful environment for your kids to grow up in. As a result of being exposed to a bad, toxic marriage, kids are likely to end up with psychological and emotional wounds.
Bear in mind that children have impressionable minds and that they’re blank canvases. Kids have an infantile understanding of their emotions, and they are slowly learning as they go.
So, when two partners believe that they’re doing the right thing for their kids by staying in a marriage without love, they should know that they have another thing coming to them.
What can that be? Well, it seems that children became more scarred and traumatized when they’re growing in homes with toxic marriage. You see, kids learn all there is to know about life as they grow up and get older.
But, once they’re exposed to traumatic environments, they do not healthily grasp the whole concept. Kids do not understand all the dynamic which goes into a marriage, and they’re most exposed to the marriage of their parents than anyone else.
On the other hand, lids of divorce face some issues whenever they grow older, and this is the reason why many couples decide to stay together. They do it to minimize the trauma that their children might face while they’re growing up.
But, according to studies, this does more harm than good. Children really do not understand how relationships work and this happens even when their parents’ marriage isn’t the best one.
Kids might take that as an idea when they begin having a relationship on their own. Kids believe that because this is the type of marriage they’re most exposed to and so they believe that these are the relationships they need to pursue in life.
And that is wrong. For instance, if a kid sees that their parents are screaming at each other, they might think that it’s usual behavior for a relationship.
Moreover, if both partners give one another silent treatments which last for a couple of days, their kid might think that this is an effective form when it comes to solving problems and conflict resolution, even when it clearly isn’t.
The truth is that there is no way to judge the gravity of impacts that a toxic marriage may have on kids. Rosalind Sedacca, the author of “How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce” talks on this topic.
According to her, kids would be better served off if they aren’t exposed to the dynamics of a toxic marriage. You see, Rosalind was a victim of being in a family with parents who had a toxic marriage but chose to stay together.
According to her, divorce is preferable to years of living in a home where the parents constantly disrespect and fight one another.
Sedacca is not the only one with this opinion, many other experts on divorce share similar opinions and concerns.
It is said that constantly being exposed to a bad and toxic marriage may leave some severe psychological and emotional scars on children. Toxic marriage does not just impact the people who are in that marriage; it also impacts the people exposed to the marriage.
Moreover, you should know that no one is more exposed to all the outs and ins of a toxic marriage than the children who are part of the same household.
It is said that children might have to deal with episodes of anxiety and paranoia during their lives whenever they grow up in a volatile household.
In a toxic relationship, there is too much pressure and tension which may be put on the children as well. Also, the children might believe that they’re to blame for everything that happens in the household.
Children might believe that their parents are unhappy because of them, and even if they know that isn’t the reason, they might feel obligated to make them happy and help their marriage work.
Whenever both partners feel unhappy with their marriage, they may project it towards their kids as well.
Therefore, if you are in a marriage that is not really working out, you should do your best to make it work, if necessary ask for professional help. In case, you can tell that is not where you want to be in life then you shouldn’t force it.
Sometimes, everyone including you will be better off if you are brave enough to deal with the truth.