Forgiveness Seems Impossible, But It’s Not. Here Are Tips To Help You Forgive
We all have to face the well-known questions “how to forgive?” or “should I forgive?” Sometimes it is a parent who disappointed you, other time it is a partner who was unfaithful or a friend who shared your secret.
After someone has hurt you, and the emotions pass, you need to decide whether to forgive that person. When you let yourself to forgive them, you are free from judgments and grievances, and you can heal.
However, in practice, forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, and sometimes it seems impossible. In order to learn how to forgive someone, you have to learn which things do not represent forgiveness. This is NOT forgiveness:
- Excusing or pardoning the actions of the other person.
- Telling them they are forgiven.
- It does not mean you should not have feelings about the situation.
- Everything is okay and there is nothing to work out.
- You should forget about everything that happened.
- Including that person in your life.
- Forgiving for the other person to feel better.
When you forgive, you are accepting the situation, and you are trying to find a way to live with it. The process may be gradual, and it does not mean that you need to include the person that has hurt you because you forgive for yourself, not for them.
Nonetheless, if forgiveness is something you do for yourself to feel better, why do we find it so hard to forgive… Here are the reasons:
- We are thinking about revenge and punishment
- We enjoy feeling superior
- We have no idea how to solve the problem
- We like how we feel when we are angry
- We like being the victim
- We are afraid that we may have to reconnect or lose that person
If you want to resolve these reasons, you need to get to know yourself, your feelings, thoughts, boundaries, and needs. You have learned the meaning of forgiveness, but you need to ask yourself if you want to forgive.
In order to forgive, you need to want to forgive. And, sometimes, when the hurt is too deep, you are not willing to do that. So, do no try to forgive someone before you know what you want and release your pain and anger.
If you want to forgive, make sure to find some time to be alone with your thoughts, and try the next four steps.
1. Think About the Incident
Make sure to think about the thing that happened and accept it. You have to accept how you feel about it.
2. You Have Experienced a Growth
That incident has helped you to grow as a person, and you need to acknowledge it. Think about the things you have learned from that experience.
3. Think About the Person Who Hurt You
Nobody is perfect, you need to accept that. When that person hurt you, maybe they were trying to meet their needs. So, why do you think that happened? Why did that person do such a horrible thing?
4. Decide to Tell Them or Not to Tell Them
In the end, you need to make a decision whether or not to tell them that you have forgiven them. If you do not want to tell them, then, say the words “I forgive you” when you are alone.
When you decide to forgive, it does not mean that you will forget about what happened, but you will be in peace. Learning what you need to do in order to make your boundaries stronger or get your needs met will help you take care of yourself.
Forgiving is a proof that you honor yourself and you deserve happiness.