The Only Way to Win With a Toxic Person is Not to Play

When we are talking about a toxic person, we do not say that the whole person is toxic. Toxic people only have toxic behavior. According to psychologists, such people are often wounded, and they are not able to be responsible for their lives (1).

But, we should not play their game.

Often, toxic people overact the roles of victim, bully, narcissist, perfectionist, etc. Moreover, these people like causing drama, manipulating others, criticizing everyone even themselves, etc. Usually, each of us has a toxic person in our life.

So, the psychotherapists Jodie Gale (2) and Amy Tatsumi say that the next signs appear if you are surrounded by toxic people:

• Their drama has an impact on you;
• You are afraid to be near them;
• While being in their company, you are exhausted or angry;
• You have negative feelings about yourself;
• You always try to take care of them;
• They do not take “no” for an answer;
• You are extremely cautious when you are in their company;
• You start to ignore your values;
• You get a feeling like someone controls you or you are overly controlling.

12 Ways How to Handle a Toxic Person

If we do not do anything about toxic people, they are going to leave us emotionally wiped out. But, we cannot change toxic people. We can act cleverly. How? If you want to win over a toxic person you cannot play their game. So, to handle them, we need to act smart.

Here is a list of 12 effective ways of how to deal with a toxic person without participating in their game:

1. Ignore Them

Frequently, toxic people need attention. They want to be at the center of attention even though they are at someone else’s birthday party. So, the best way is to pay them little or no attention at all. Instead, hang out with quieter people.

Also, toxic people like to insult other people. Often, they use sentences such as “I could never wear that.” To prevent yourself from having issues with yourself, ignore them.

2. Set Boundaries

Toxic people often like to complain about stuff, and the problem is they only focus on their issues, not on the solutions. They like it when other people pity them because they feel better. Often, people tend to listen to these people’s complaints because they do not want to be seen as rude or selfish.

However, there is always a limit. You cannot confuse sympathy and being emotionally drained by other people’s negativity. So, you need to set some limits, even distance yourself. A great way is to ask the one who complaints what is their idea of a solution to the problem.

This way, they will stop talking about it, or try to find a possible solution.

3. Do Not Trust Them

When a toxic person wants to be interesting, they share deep secrets, as well as gossip about other people. So, this does not mean that the toxic person has trust in you. Since they can talk about other people in front of you, they will betray you too.

That is why you need to stay away from them and have no trust at all.

4. Rise Above

Do not waste your precious time on trying to win in toxic people’s game. You need to distance yourself emotionally and see them as some project that does not include your emotions. This way, you will prevent them from driving you crazy.

5. Let Them Expose Themselves

When you are in the company of a toxic person who loves lying, you should not try to convince them that you know the truth. These people lie to everyone even themselves. So, do not waste your energy on trying to keep up with everything they say.

In time, they will expose their lies by saying other lies. Just let them believe what they want to believe.

6. Do Not Get Involved in Their Drama

Frequently, toxic people like to cause arguments. And, when an argument starts, these people like everyone around to pick a side. However, being in the middle of a toxic people’s quarrel is catastrophic. But, there is a way in which you can get out of it.

Next time you are in a similar situation, just use the phrase “This has nothing to do with me.”

7. Stand Up to Bullies

Whenever you see a bully, stand up to them. Toxic people often like to humiliate and put other people down. Some people are shy, socially awkward even lack physical prowess. So, you need to stand up to bullies for yourself and other helpless people. Do not let them take advantage of others.

8. Provide “Yes” and “No” Answers

When toxic people ask questions, they usually like to play some games. So, the best way is to provide them with yes/no answers because you will prevent them from playing mind games with anyone, as well as make their intentions clear.

9. Ignore Narcissism

Narcissists are also toxic people. They love the idea of themselves. Likewise, they adore getting compliments from everyone, all of the time. They often take a lot of selfies and ask for comments. Well, the best way to handle them is to ignore them, but that does not mean that you should be rude or anything.

The ignorance will remind them that we are all equals.

10. Tell Them When It’s Their Fault

Toxic people always put the blame on others. Even when there is a situation in which it is completely their fault, they will find an excuse. Anyway, you should be clever and do not play their game. By not accepting their excuses, you will help them to grow.

11. Do Not Let the False Kindness Win

When toxic people want to get something from you, they will shower you with compliments. Also, you may notice that they are nice only to you and rude to others. Do not let them fool you with their kindness. Remember, they just want something from you.

12. Stop Trying to Please Them

Sometimes it happens for a toxic person to be all happy and satisfied, and the next day you are wondering what went wrong. Toxic people know that nice people are always ready to do anything to make their loved ones feel okay.

So, they will use this for their benefit. When you ask them “What’s wrong?” if their answer is “Nothing,” just walk away and come back when they get a better mood. Why? Toxic people often like to shift their mood to get what they like by making you guess and wonder.

However, if there is something you have done to upset them, find out what it is, and apologize if needed.

All in all, if we want to take good care of ourselves, there are ways to handle people who exhaust us. Besides the ways that help us handle toxic people, we also need to take some time to ourselves, rest, relax, and get some sleep.