What Happens When We Are In a Manipulative Relationship?
How to know if we are in a manipulative relationship? We need to know the signs in order to break the pattern. First, we should know that an emotional caretaker is a person who looks for the wants, feelings, and needs of the emotional manipulator.
The emotional caretaker defers from the wants of the manipulator. Usually, they give up their wants, as well as their well-being and health needs.
They do this only just to please the other person and to keep the peace in the relationship without realizing that there is no improvement in the relationship.
When it comes to the emotional caretakers they are really reliable, caring, generous, and concerned people. In general, they are nice people, and they honestly want to please the people around them.
But due to their nature and kind heart, they are easily manipulated. This also occurs since they tend to be overly compliant and passive, they have high levels of obligation and guilt and also anger and fear in others.
They would rather feel depressed, hurt, or angry themselves than to have the person they love to experience those feelings.
That is why they are highly vulnerable to being mistreated or being taken advantage of in relationships with people who are selfish, egoistic, and self-oriented.
As a matter of fact, most emotional caretakers don’t understand that they are giving too much of themselves for the sake of peace in the relationship.
And once this happens, they might become angry and resentful, but they might still stay in the relationship and keep giving their all.
Often, they ask themselves “Why did I get into a relationship with a person who is too selfish?” The thing is that their personality as a caretaker is magnetizing to emotional manipulators.
In the beginning, the relationship might seem amazing and ideal since one partner adores to give and the other adores to receive. But sadly, often the receiver tends to want more and more on their own way.
While this happens, the caretakers hope that things will eventually balance out.
However, you need to understand that co-dependents and emotional caretakers aren’t the same things. Co-dependents are powerless, self-defeating, passive, and self-invalidating in relationships.
On the other hand, emotional caretakers are positive, functional, and respected with their loved ones, friends, and at work.
When they are in relationships with the right people who value and respect them, they have a good balance when it comes to give and take and they satisfy their needs and wants.
Usually, they are in good, giving, and positive relationships. However, in a romantic relationship with a manipulator, they might feel like a hostage.
When they disagree or desire something which is completely different than the manipulator often they can’t stand their ground and solve differences since the level of the fight is definitely out of their range of values and skills.
In this situation, they are at the mercy of their significant other whose goal is to get what they personally want. They don’t care how much it hurts you; they just want to get it.
What happens when a caretaker is in a manipulative relationship? There is increased depression and anxiety, loss of self-esteem, a sense of emptiness, a sense of helplessness and hopelessness, frustration, fear, and exhaustion.
Why don’t they leave? Well, caretakers feel trapped in their relationship due to their reluctance to hurt the other person and their sense of loyalty.
Caretakers respond to hostility, anger, and anger by shutting down. They freeze up, their breathing is shallow, and they wait for everything to pass.
This shutdown process makes digestion and heart rates to slow down, muscles to tense up, and thinking to be fuzzy. This can lead to a sense of defeat, headaches, intestinal issues, back, neck, and shoulder pain, and insomnia.
Can you relate? Are you that emotional caretaker? Don’t panic; there are ways to deal with this. The most crucial thing is to value yourself. You should start respecting yourself with the same amount of respect you do for the people in your life.
Remember to value your preferences, needs, and wants. How to prevent from being hurt or being in a manipulative relationship?
Set boundaries, make sure that these boundaries don’t allow people to put you down, invalidate you and neglect you. Set these boundaries and respect them no matter what.
When in danger, learn how to fight and if you notice that there is no use in doing that, simply leave.
All that caring and love you have in yourself, point it at yourself and then at others. That can surely change your life for the better.