Why People Are Nicer to Strangers Than Their Loved Ones
How come people often treat the ones they love the most shabbily? Are we one of them? We do it also, don’t we? It seems that we all do. What really happens here?
It is not that all the things we loved about them when we first met them have gradually become repulsive to us. But it’s our tolerance for all the things we have always disliked invariably diminishes with time.
Also, to this, you can add the fact that pain commands people’s attention far more in comparison to pleasure and we get to the explanation: “We have the least tolerance for the not-so-great qualities of those people we love the most and spend the most time with.”
And the truth is that we all want to behave our best with the people we love, and we often feel guilty when we do not treat them well.
Therefore, assuming we are not so sick and tired with our significant other that we want a divorce, so exhausted with our kids that we want to put them up for adoption, or so sick and tired with our parents that we want to cut them out of our life, what should be done?
Two strategies might help you with such situations. Read on to find out more.
2 Strategies You Should Know About
#1 Spend Time with People You Love in the Company of Others
It’s said that who we seem to be is largely a function of who we are with and who we spend time with.
For instance, have you ever notice that you behave and feel one way with your boss and coworkers in a certain way, another with your family and yet another with your friends?
Once you think about it, we might all be multiple selves, but which self we are at any moment is not as much up to us as it’s to those around us.
When you are around people with whom you do not feel as much intimate, you will find yourself acting more kindly and politely to your loved ones.
Moreover, you will get the chance to appreciate and observe the better selves the people you love have inside them, which they will show by the presence of others.
To be more precise, the dynamic between yourself and the people you love will change for the better, particularly when others are present.
#2 Pause Regularly to Vividly Subtract The People You Love From Your Life
The goal is to make intense emotions of gratitude. Nothing makes gratitude for something like being aware that it might be lost.
According to studies, people are capable of imagining the loss of those they love concretely enough in order to produce gratitude that they have for them.
People can best do this by vividly imagining certain ways an individual may be taken from them, by playing out scenarios in their mind.
You can try to write a list of things you like about those people you love and then think for a couple of minutes every single morning about how you could really lose them.
That way it’s more likely to have an emotional reaction to those thoughts in your head if you envision the absence of the people you love as visually as possible.
If for example, you think of a life without your significant other you would imagine seeing the space in your house, the empty bed in which you sleep together, the table at which you eat empty.
And if you think about how you would have to alter your daily routine in their absence, you would imagine once more doing so with the pictures in your head – going to family gatherings alone, taking vacations alone with the kids, etc.
By repeating this regularly, you can convert it into a habit that might continue to charge you with gratitude as long as you do it. We should not treat the people we love less kindly in comparison to strangers, but the truth is that we often do.
These strategies can help change that.